Aquamarine Eyes
by 13yn
Summary: She could do nothing but watch, no matter how much she wanted to reach for him.


It has been quite some time since things have settled...since all has been restored and balanced. Everything has been sorted out and put into place, including myself. I am where I belong, and that is that. I should be happy to be whole again. I mean, when I spoke of it before, my tone was hopeful and uplifting when I proclaimed that a Nobody wouldn't fade away. No, when a Nobody returns to the heart, they are whole again, and that's a good thing. Yes, it's a very good thing...but who is it good for? The heart or the shell? Because in all honesty...

I am not happy.

It feels strange to say that. Up until about a month ago, I could not say such things; emotions were something foreign to me. They were impossible for me to experience because I was a mere shell, but such is the fate of a Nobody. It is their curse to only pretend, but now that I actually feel, I am unsure of which is better. When you did have emotion, you risked feeling depressed, angry, or scared. Without emotion, you were safe from the negative feelings, but couldn't feel the good ones like happiness, hope, and...

...and love.

Yes, both sides have their ups and downs. That I can be sure of, but if I had to choose, I'd rather have all emotions than none. I can't imagine feeling nothing again, and it seems so far back when I try to remember what nothing feels like. I would sit in my white room and draw away...The memories of that time clash so much that I can't remember specific things. Sora's memories would flood into my mind so fast that some of the pictures were scribbled onto the blank page within seconds, and I'd move to the next one. It didn't take long at all to fill a sketch book and be forced to pull out a fresh one. There were also times when I recalled something important and took my time on the picture, not wanting to flaw it within Sora's mind when fixing it. That was the first time I saw him or, rather, drew him (excluding his replica, of course).

Riku, Sora's best friend. It was an important memory, so I was careful and slow when making the lines on the paper. I didn't quite understand it at the time, but I didn't mind taking my time when drawing him. By the time I was done, I chided myself for taking so long and moved on. I didn't think twice about flipping the page, like I might've now. If it was the present, I would have lingered at least a little.

The next time I saw him, he was different from the boy I drew. As far as physical appearance, he was completely the same...except his eyes. When I recreated him on the paper, his eyes were sharp and filled with unsurpassed confidence and determination. They were the eyes of a role model and a person who always wanted to be the one to help his friends. When I finally met the real Riku, he had changed so much. His eyes held a sort of emptiness within them, and I could see guilt. There was a lot of guilt. They were a melancholy teal, betraying his wishes by exposing his pain. The darkness within him threatened to take hold, and I didn't want him to become victim to such a thing. I wanted to help him. I offered to lock the darkness away forever, but he refused. He said he wanted to battle out the darkness on his own and be rid of it forever.

I think...I think that's when it first started. That might have been the first moment that I didn't see Riku as just a person in Sora's memories. I...don't know how to describe it now since it was during the time I was a Nobody, but...Maybe it just all started as admiration. How could it become more than that when I had no emotions?

Still, the change I witnessed from the portrait to the person lingers within me. Perhaps I was just fascinated by how quickly someone can change, or how swiftly a life can be ruined by misleading choices. Today, I still see the sadness in his eyes that I saw long ago. It pains me whenever I see them through Kairi's eyes. He seems so...alone. I always want to reach for him and tell him he isn't alone...That he has Kairi, Sora, Roxas, and me. He is good at hiding it, though. Kairi can't see it, and it tears me up. We're the same person, so I should be able to tell her, right? No...Kairi thinks everything is as it should be now that everyone is home, and I don't want to shatter that, even if one of her best friends isn't happy.

But the only reason she doesn't see it is because Sora is the only thing that lingers in her mind. Kairi...Why can't you see it? In fact, why can't you realize it, Sora? Why am I the only one who does notice those melancholy aquamarine eyes? Those eyes that hold the entire ocean...

Riku...

Sora has Kairi, and Roxas and I are only friends...What about you, Riku? You need someone to confide in, too. It makes me wish that I was an actual person so I could be the one you can talk to. It sounds childish of me, doesn't it?

I just...

I just want you to be happy. I want to see the Riku that I drew all that time ago. Don't feel sad, because everyone has forgiven you. If anything, I should be the one worrying about apologizing. I messed up a lot of people's memories through Sora. I still need to make up for those things, but you've already done more than enough.

Please be happy, Riku.

Because I won't be until you are.

* * *

**I'm trying my hand at first person, a point of view that I don't really like working with. I think I did all right overall, but there's definate room for improvement. As for the story itself, I've always been fond of the Naminé and Riku pairing. It's one of the few pairings I like in the game/anime world. This is only meant to be a one-shot, but I think it could could become a multi-chaptered story. Should I think of something (and if people enjoyed this), I'll be sure to continue it. As far as it being continued in first person...I'll consider it. Thanks to everyone who reads it, especially those of you who review. Tell me how I'm doing!**


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